Wanna Have a Baby: Pregnancy Blog

Not pregnant..started Round 2 of Clomid

2009-06-28T20:24:00.000-07:00

Well, I got my period on Sunday June 21st, ended on June 25th. I was surprised that my period came without having to take those 10-day pills that bring on my period. I had my Rx filled but only needed to get the Clomid (since I started my period on my own). I think that's GREAT news that my body is regulating itself!!!!

The bad news is that I'm on round 2 of Clomid. Last night, I got REALLLLYYYY sick on it. I was in bed screaming, moaning, praying to my angels to help me feel better. I was shocked that the minute I asked for help, I felt like someone was lightly touching my belly and "sucking" out all the pain. I fell asleep very shortly after..and after saying "thank you...thank you..." about a 100 times before I passed out for the night. Never underestimate the power of calling on God's angels! :)

Tonight is my last night on Clomid, so hopefully the side effects will go away completely after I'm done.

The hubby & I had sex today (in our pool, I might add).
Note to self: The hubby likes it when I skinny dip. lol ;-)

I'm due to be fertile around July 8th, so we're gonna try to conceive around and/or on:
July 3, 5, 7, 8, 11

Wish us luck!!
~Jamie~

Had Period: June 21-25
Took Clomid: June 24-28
Had Sex on: June 28th, July 5th...
Ovulated on: (projected to be around July 8th)

Symptoms:

July 10th:
HORRIBLE lower right back pain. Literally dropped me to my knees, crying. Anthony had to help me back up.

July 11th:
STRONG feeling of passing out mid-afternoon while sitting on the couch.

July 12th:
Vaginal discharge (runny white mucus-like liquid).

July 13th:
Diarrhea/Stomach Ache. Vaginal discharge increased.

Note: Last month I had vaginal discharge 7 DPO, so this would be a normal symptom for me and most likely not pregnancy related.

July 14th:
Diarrhea/Stomach Ache. Felt like my tummy was doing flips. Felt very dizzy/light headed during the day (while on a swinging lounger outside) and also at night (almost fell over at one point), very similar to motion sickness. Also had mild but noticeable cramping.

July 15th:
Cramping. Not bad, but enough for me to notice. My lower abdominal feels "heavy", but this could be because my period is due in about 7 days.

July 18th:
I'm peeing...alot! About every 10-30 minutes. Also, feeling very fatigued & a rapid heart rate. Wanted/needed a nap around 5pm in the worst way.

July 19th:
Still feeling very fatigued/rapid heart rate. Today I feel like I could take a nap and it's only 1:30pm! I've been up since around 9:30am and did laundry, vacuumed, made the bed, and that's about it. I shouldn't be tired (and I even had 1 cup of coffee.)

July 19th:
Took a pregnancy test (3 days before missed period). It was Negative.

July 22nd: (NO PERIOD!!)
Was supposed to get my period, never came!! Also, I had major diarrhea at night.

July 23rd: (1 DAY LATE)
As of 11pm, I *still* have not had my period! Also, I've been very nauseated today. Not on the brink of puking, but enough to not feel well. I also had rapid heart rate again today in mid-afternoon.

July 25th: Brown spotting @ 11am!
Brown spotting, only noticeable when wiping, stopped after a few hours. Felt VERY nauseous all day! Cramping as well. Took preg. test before spotting, negative.

July 26th: (5 Days Late)
White/Clear'ish discharge in the morning. Felt nauseous for part of the day. Finally ate a meal for dinner instead of cereal or pretzels. (The only 2 things I could stomach. lol) Mild cramping continued. Rapid heart rate was really bad all day. Felt like my heart was beating out of my chest from doing the smallest things.

July 27th: (6 Days Late)
Mild cramping still. Not that nauseous earlier in the day, but had a wave of it hit me around 5pm.

July 28th: (7 Days Late)
Woke up feeling like I started me period, but it was vaginal mucus/discharge.

July 29th: (8 Days Late)
Left side of my lower abs was cramping at night.

July 30th: (9 Days Late)
Took a preg. test @ 4pm. Negative. Today I'm tired (and it's only 4pm!), like I could take a nap.

**Stopped daily tracking of symptoms, but the nausea has gone away about a week ago.***

August 4th:
Cramping in my lower abdominal area...like it was stretching out.

August 10th: (19 Days Late)
Had cramping on left side again. This was the most "pressure" cramping I've felt so far. Very similar to being on my period, minus the bleeding.

**Doctors appt. is on Aug. 18th @ 11:15am to find out if I'm preggo or not.

Well, I'm not pregnant (got my period).

2009-06-22T07:32:00.000-07:00

Last night right before I went to bed, my period came. I was sad & frustrated, but more angry. I believe I said "Son of a bitch!" outloud to myself. It was not a happy day for me.

So now that I'm not pregnant, I have to start on Clomid again (fertility drug). The good news is that my periods seem to be regulated WITHOUT the medication they wanted me to take today to get it regulated. This is awesome news, especially because of my Polycistic Ovarian Disease.

I start back on the Clomid tomorrow, a nurse at my gynos office called in the Rx the other day. This will be round 2 on clomid. Will it be my last? Let's hope so!!

~Jamie~

I'm now on Clomid

2009-06-10T18:53:00.001-07:00

It's been a long, long while since I updated this blog and I figured that now would be a great time to not only update it, but to post as often as I can! :)

I just got done reading all my past blog entries and in one of them, I asked..

"Could it be that STRESS has the exact same symptoms as pregnancy??"

The answer is YES!!!

It's ironic how stress & pregnancy have the exact same symptoms. Don't believe me? Look it up on WebMD.com or ask your gyno..or just simply do a google search. So the answer to all my "Why do I feel prego when I'm not?" was because I was STRESSED OUT TO THE MAX!!! My body was not a happy camper.

Let's fast-forward to this month (June 2009) & what I've been up to:

The hubby & I are moved into our house, our 1 yr wedding anniversary is coming up in 10 days (wow!), and I have seen a gyno about my infertility. I was diagnosed with Polycistic Ovarian Disease (PCOS or PCOD). It's scarily common, I found out. Anyways, the doctor put me on a fertility drug called "Clomid", after he put me on pills for 10 days to bring on my period that I haven't had in 11 months (yes, 11 months!). After I got my period (on May 20th), I had to take the Clomid on days 3-7 of my bleed.

On June 7th, I took a First Response Ovulation Test and it came out positive! I WAS OVULATING!! :-D

Here's a pic of my test:

The way to read the test is that the 1st line has to be AS DARK or DARKER than the "Control Line" (line on the right). As you can see, mine was darker than that line which meant that I was at my peak of ovulating. Needless to say, the hubby & I "tried" about an hour later when he finally came home from work. ;-) lol

Today (June 10th), I experienced very mild cramping on my left side. I'm also noting that my breasts seem larger and perkier (no clue why) and even a friend of mine noticed & commented on them today. Pregnancy related? Who knows. We'll find out in a few weeks when I take a pregnancy test!

Wish us luck! :-D

~Jamie~

Had Period: May 20th-May 27th
Took Clomid: May 23-27
Ovulated on: June 7th
Sore Breasts: June 11th or 12th (4-5 DPO)
Clear Runny Vaginal Discharge: June 14th (7 DPO)
Breasts Less Sore: June 16th (9 DPO)

UPDATE @ June 14th:
I'm noting that my breasts have been sore since June 11th or 12th (can't remember). The left breast especially sore, the right breast is just tender. This could be due to a couple of things such as working out or lifting a big chair by myself down a flight of stairs. I'm just noting it on here just in case.

Also, I noticed a runny clear liquid discharge today. I never have any kind of discharge before my period or after, so this is very weird. Other symptoms I have felt have been very mild cramping on my left side still (only when sitting in a specific position on the couch) and once or twice, I felt a pain in the center of my pelvic area. Never had that before, so that kind of alarmed me. I believe that happend 2 or 3 days ago. In addition, I have felt more tired than usual (sleeping later, wanting to take naps, feeling lazy in general).

morning sickness..at night.

2008-10-24T00:07:00.000-07:00

Even though my last pregnancy test told me that I am *NOT* preggo, my body is still screaming at me that I am.

As any woman will tell you, we know our bodies and we know when things are totally not right. Well, I know my body and I know the things I'm experiencing are not normal by any means.

I'm getting "morning sickness" at night, and it's always the same time (I just now started to notice the times). From about 12am-2am is when it starts, and around 2am is when it's the worse.

I start to feel "not so right" around 12am, and then by 2am, I'm burping up acid and gagging & feeling nauseous. Rinse & repeat the next day.

My husband seems to think it's stress, and he might be 100% correct on that! I just find it funny how my body has a schedule for being sick every night. I don't think stress does that..does it???

And my heart has been racing like you wouldn't believe from VERY little movement, and it's espeically beating hard & fast when I lay on either side of my body. I did some research online and found that this too is a pregnancy symptom.

Since taking tests just depreses me (since they're always negative), I'm staying away from taking anymore. I'll see if my symptoms go away in a few days after we move. I think after we move on Saturday, I'll feel better (if this is all stress related, that is.)

XOXO,
~Jamie~

It's 2:27am and I'm nauseous/gagging

2008-10-22T00:25:00.000-07:00

I logged on here, in the middle of the night, to complain about feeling sick.

My belly is doing flips inside and it's making me gag to the point of puking a little bit in my mouth. I feel VERY sick!! Flu-like kind of sick. I can physically feel my tummy rumbling and moving (soon to be burps, I think). Feels like air is moving all around inside or something..but with a TON of pressure in my lower ab area.

It comes in waves. From strong, to mild. When it's strong, it's STRONG and I'm running to the bathroom to gag over the sink. But when it's mild, I can actually relax and calm down.

If you read my last post from yesterday, then you know that I've been having every pregnancy symptom in the book..but every test says that I'm not prego.

I seriously have no clue what the hell is going on with my body, but it's not fun!!!

XOXO,
Jamie

I am truly baffled. Just..wow.

2008-10-20T16:59:00.000-07:00

I just took a pregnancy test and I am VERY shocked that the results are negative. I walked away in confusion and disgust.

How can I be having EVERY SINGLE SYMPTOM FOR A MONTH and not be pregnant??!!! How does that happen?!!! I feel like I'm 9 months pregnant and someone just told me "No you're not."

Why is my body telling me one thing, and this pregnancy tests telling me another! Could it be that STRESS has the exact same symptoms as pregnancy?????? I am beyond baffled, shocked, and disappointed to say the least.

Maybe since I get my periods every 4-6 months, that my body is just going through a verryyyyy long PMS cycle and I'll eventually get my period.

Who knows at this point.

I won't be posting on here until I know for sure, 110%, that I am pregnant. I'm sick of "feeling" pregnant, only to be let down. I'm going to stop testing all together. I can't take this anymore..it's emotionally draining and I'm done.

We'll still continue to try, but I probably won't know until I start showing because I've HAD IT WITH PREGNANCY TESTING!!!!!! I'm DONE!! Everytime I test and it says negative, I feel like I lost a child. It's THAT BAD!! It's depressing and it shakes me to the core. My emotions are taking a toll on me. I have to stop testing, otherwise I'm gonna end up in a padded room in a hospital.

~Jamie~

Pregnant?

2008-10-19T22:48:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone! I figured I'd post an update since it's been a couple of months!

The hubby & I just bought our FIRST HOUSE!! :-D We move in this Friday, so we've been busy little bees packing up our life and getting ready for the move.

We also adopted a dog and named her Bella! She'll be 12 weeks old when we pick her up this Sunday. She's a golden retriever pure bred. So we're both totally excited about that as well!

In other news, we haven't stopped trying to get pregnant!! :-D We've been trying and lately, I've been experiencing all kinds of things that aren't normal for me, which leads me to believe that I might be pregnant. Now, I've thought this way before..about 7 times so far. LOL So I'm not getting my hopes up, but these changes have been increasingly getting more & more noticeable and I don't know what is going on with my body.

Here's a list of early pregnancy symptoms that I've been experiencing:
*dizzy/faintness
*nausea (few times)
*fatigue
*fast heart rate
*extreme fullness in tummy after meals
*constipation
*diarrhea
*headaches (alot)
*cramping
*hungry a little more often
*severe mood swings (crying, pissed, depressed, very happy, etc)
*breasts feel heavier/bigger than normal
*weight gain (about 7 pds)

Tonight I got so dizzy that I almost passed out. So I hurried up and took a multi-vitamin (just in case I'm in dire need of vitamins) and then I drank some sweet tea (to get my blood sugar up). On top of that, I ate almost a whole box of Mac n Cheese about an hour ago...and I'm hungry AGAIN!! I felt like I haven't ate since this morning, that's how hungry I am. It's so bizarre!

I haven't had time to buy a pregnancy test lately, and I've been waiting on purpose (up until this week, anyways) because if I AM pregnant, I wanted to make sure that it would show up on a pee stick. I believe the normal time is about 4-6 weeks after conception.

Getting headaches alot has been a major red flag for me because I was getting really bad headaches day after day...up to 6 days in a row. I still get them (took aspirin tonight because I had one) but they're not as severe and often as the past couple weeks.

If I'm not pregnant, then I'm going to go see a doctor because there is something wrong with me then. I've never felt so out of character as I have been lately and there's too many things going wrong at one time. Something is not right, that much I'm sure of. Maybe it's overwhelming stress or something. I have no clue.

As soon as I take a pregnancy test, I'll post the results here. That might be tomorrow because I need to know either way for health reasons.

I'll keep ya'll updated!
XOXO,
Jamie

Life, Interrupted.

2008-08-11T00:30:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I posted on here, but things have just been too crazy to deal with lately. Working 18 hours a day, 7 days a week for a month straight...plus trying to have a baby..and now we're in the mist of trying to buy a house.

We found a house just over a week ago that we loved. We got pre-approved and put in an offer. I just told you about 1 weeks worth of shit we've been doing in 2 sentences, and yet, it has consumed every minute of my day for a week. Buying a house is the most stressful thing I've ever been through and I fucking hate it! It's too much of everything and it's brutal. I'm a simple gal and I don't like "playing games" but that's what you get when you get a counter-offer. And when the counter-offer is bullshit and a slap in the face. Our excitement of buying our first home has turned into a nightmare and we're about to put that nightmare to rest this week (if not in the next 12 hours).

The realtor is coming over tonight to see if we want to counter-offer, and I really don't want to. Their counter-offer said that they want to live in the house a full month AFTER the closing and "rent free". How can anyone even ASK that??!!! That's fucked up!! That's rude, and it's a slap in the face. I would never even DREAM of doing something like that!! What's worse is, we've met the seller and he seemed (at the time) to be a very nice guy. But that quickly faded today when we got the counter-offer.

So, needless to say, we have put "trying" to have a baby on hold. Hell, with all the stress I'm under, I'd be shocked if I could even get pregnant!

That's another reason why I'd rather just put off finding a house until January..I wanna start a family and our apartment is more than fine for us right now (2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms).

I'll post the ending result of the house bullshit on here. But I'm pretty sure we're gonna turn them down and be done with it all.

XOXO,
J.

"If at first you don't succeed, try again!"

2008-07-30T10:44:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I still don't know if I'm preggers or not, but it doesn't matter at this point because we're still trying!

Yesterday, Anthony came home and I was heading into the shower and he joined me...and well, you can guess what that lead to. hehe ;-)

Minus the whole trying-to-get-pregnant thing, it's really nice to be able to make love without having to take precautions (forms of birth control). It's so much more passionate and full of so much love and intensity!! I can get used to this! :-D

Yesterday and today, my tummy hasn't been feeling...stable. Yes, stable. It's the only word I can use to describe it. I'm not feeling 100% right in my stomach..I have this constant feeling that kinda feels the same way of being nervous. Butterflies, but mixed with nausea. lol Not sure what the heck that is about.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm over thinking/over anyalzing every little thing going on with my body because we're trying to get pregnant (and I very well could be doing that!) but it still wouldn't explain the tiredness (I can't help that!) and the few episodes of extreme nausea this month. I only throw up when I'm drunk. Even if I have the flu, I don't puke. I'm not much of a puker or one for nausea..I have a pretty strong stomach when it comes to those things. So that *really* caught me off guard.

Off the subject of baby-making, we have 4 houses to look at on Saturday and I'm SUPER EXCITED about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-D The one house that I blogged about (the picture perfect house) was scheduled for us to see tomorrow (Thurs) but we decided to move that to Saturday with the other 3 houses we wanna look at to save on gas. I can't seem to get that 1 house out of my mind..I'm a sucker for pools (LOVE to swim!!!!!!!!!) and it has a jacuzzi which is a HUGE bonus for Anthony & I (we love hot tubs!) so that's all I'm thinking about lately: getting a house with a huge pool and having people come over all the time and having cookouts and such.

When I was little, my Aunt Gayle had a pool in her yard. She was the only family member that had a pool, so there were always parties and people over there and I loved that! In fact, both me and my sister both always wanted a house with a pool for that very reason. I would love to host parties every weekend, and have random friends and family come over to use the pool or hot tub, and to sleep over (love when people sleep over!) Plus, we both want a dog or two, and what dog wouldn't love to swim? ;-)

I can tell that with each passing day, I'm getting more and more irritated with apartment living. Cars driving by all the time, my neighbors below going in and out of their front door (we live in condo-style apartments, we each have our own front doors), and I hate being out on the small balcony because the central air is right there and when it kicks on, it's SO LOUD and it scares me. The first 2 years of being here, I loved it but I think that's because we can from a little shitty hole of an apartment and this was a MAJOR step up for us. Our apartments are "Luxury Apartments"..we have vaulted ceilings, 2 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms, attached garage..they're nice! But after 3 yrs, they get old. We can't paint any of the walls, I can't have a dog, we don't have a yard, and there's no privacy whatsoever. It's annoying now! It's more annoying to me, than Anthony, because I work from home. He was wondering why I've been pushing to look at houses earlier than what we planned. We were going to start lookin January (for a few reasons) but I just couldn't wait. Within weeks of getting married, the house hunt was on. lol

I guess a major part of wanting a house is also because I want to be settled before we bring a baby into our lives. I want those memories to be created in that house. We're looking for a house that (1) We can live in for the rest of our lives if we wanted to..and (2) that has enough bedrooms for the 2 kids we want. Actually, we may want 3 kids, but we'll deal with 2 first and then talk. lol We both want 3 kids but until you have one or two, you'll never know how much work that is. I'm pretty sure we'll have 3 though..we both come from large families and both want a large family of our own. :)

Okay, it's back to work I go! So until the next time, ciao!

XOXO,
J.

4 hour nap

2008-07-28T20:48:00.000-07:00

Once again, I found myself purely EXHAUSTED by 2pm today. I woke up around 9:30am and had a great night of sleep..about 7 hours. But by 2pm, I was doing deep yawns and my eyes were watering from being sooo tired and I just had to sleep! I was falling asleep while peeing..it was that bad.

Anthony (husband) came home around 3pm and I was laying in bed just about to fall asleep. I remember him going to the bathroom in our masterbath but I don't remember him coming out. I was just out cold.

I finally woke up at 7pm and immediatley started making dinner for my very hungry (and very patient!!!) husband.

Once again, I find myself thinking 'what the fuck?'. This is about the 5th time this month that I've taken a 4 hour nap from being so damn tired. I read online that this one girl didn't get a positive pregnancy test until her 8th week because her hormone level wasn't that high. Could that be it?? Arghh! I just wanna know either way if I'm pregnant or not!! I JUST WANNA KNOW!!!! I can deal with a negative result if I know 100% that is truly a negative result. This is driving me nuts.

In other news, we found another house that we wanna look at. This house is the most PERFECT looking house I've ever seen from the road. It's picture perfect, has 3 bedrooms, 1 bath, and a large yard with a big pool and a jacuzzi on the patio. We've only seen a couple pics of the inside and from what we can see, it looks good!! So we're going on Thursday to look at it. Our rent is $950 a month (not including any utilities), so we would like our mortgage to be around $1,100-$1,200 a month to stay comfortable. This house we're looking at would be around $1300-$1400 a month and that's only if we get it for $10k under the asking price. Argh. I guess we'll take it one step at a time and see if it's do-able.

Alright, well, I'm gonna go. The hubby & I are watching "Knocked Up" (funny movie! lol)

XOXO,
J.

Tired & Cramps

2008-07-27T22:54:00.001-07:00

Today I've been tired (sluggish) and I've had cramps off and on again. I think I'm going to go to the doctor (OB/GYN) and see what's going on. I'm scared that I'm having pregnancy symptoms but that the tests are coming back as negative. But since we just got married, I'm not under my husbands insurance yet. We have to make a phone call and then fill out papers and such. Blah. I swear, the wedding will never be fully over: Thank You notes, name change, insurance, changing bank accounts...lawdy!!! Such a hassle. lol So when I can get the insurance taken care of, I'll go see a doc.

As I'm typing this, I'm having very small period-like cramps on my left side again. It's been on and off for a couple of days now. Hope nothing is wrong with me!! Okay, I refuse to freak out anymore than I need to! lol

We went house hunting today and it was really cool to think of where to put a nursey. :) Not sure if that will be anytime soon (hopefully it will be!!) but it was still nice to incorporate that thought into our lives. I asked my husband "On a scale of 1 to 10, how bad do you want a baby?" and his reply was "Hmm...45!" lol He's so cute. Oh, by the way, we didn't like the house..just in case you were wondering.

XOXO,
J.

Took another preg. test

2008-07-26T09:23:00.000-07:00

..and of course, just like the other 7 I've taken in the past 2 weeks, it said negative. *sigh*

What the hell is going on with me??? One day, I'm POSITIVE that I'm pregnant, the next day, I have a pee stick saying I'm not. It's an emotional rollercoaster, that's for sure.

I had forgot about that we tried to have a baby as of about 2 weeks ago as well (not just on our honeymoon which was 5 weeks ago). My cousin Erin reminded me that I could be pregnant, but be just way too early for any pee stick to register it. Good point! So I guess we'll see.

In other news, Anthony (my husband) wanted to try again today but I was busy working so I didn't have the time at the exact moment..however, for the first time in about a month, I am taking off of work!! :-D We're going to see the Milwaukee Brewers baseball game which starts at 6pm.

Speaking of...

Last time we went to see the Brewers play, which was about 2 weeks ago), I damn near fell asleep in my seat! I was purely EXAHUSTED!!!!!!!!!!!!! I remember thinking "wtf???" because I'm never that tired! And I love baseball, so it was weird for me to rest my head and tell my husband that I'm going to nap on his arm. I've felt exhausted a few times after that, but not everyday. Maybe about 5 days total this month.

Arghh.

It's so frustrating not knowing. I'm having symptoms that clearly tell me yes, but I have pee sticks telling me no. Yes. No. Yes, no. Yes..NO! Maybe I should just wait for 3 months and if my belly has grown, then I know I'm not preggers. lol

I'm going to watch some tv and then go watch the Brewers down at the stadium. See ya later!! :)

XOXO,
J.

Another symptom: CRAMPING!!! :-D

2008-07-25T13:42:00.000-07:00

Well, now I have cramps!! They started yesterday but I kinda ignored them for the most part because they were very light cramps and thought maybe I just bumped into something. But about 20 minutes ago, I started to REALLY feel cramping on my left side of my lower tummy!! :-D

Okay, if I am NOT pregnant, then this has got to be the most weird 2 weeks of pregnancy-like symptoms EVER!

I have had:
*Fatigue
*Cramping
*Mood Swings (from angry to sweet within 1 minute)
*Crying (and I never cry)
*Nausea a few nights (2 of them were severe)
*Frequent Urination
*Headaches

The *ONLY symptom that I haven't had yet is sore breasts, although the top of my breasts have been slightly tender to the touch for a few days but that's probably my fault from always touching/poking at them to see if they're tender. lol

The crying & cramps (both of which I experienced today) has got me excited again...Am I pregnant???? Could I be true???

The last thing I wanna do is get overly excited until I find out for sure, but I would be SO SHOCKED if I wasn't at this point.

As I previously mentioned, I only get my period twice a year..so for me to have cramps about 5 weeks after my last period is just TOO weird! I only get cramps when I have my period and I don't have it nor do I plan on getting it since I'm so abnormal with my cycles.

I'll keep ya'll updated of course on any new symptoms or continuing symptoms!

XOXO,
J.

Crying watching tv shows

2008-07-25T07:49:00.000-07:00

So I'm sitting here this morning with my coffee and my husband, we're both watching "The Mole" (recorded on our DVR). They showed a part where the people playing the game got a chance to see their family but only if they got their quiz right.

I saw 1 of the guys wife and their cute little daughter waiting to see if they'll be able to see him or not. Not knowing if he would be able to see his little girl or not made me cry. Yes, cry! Why? I'm not sure. Maybe it's because I want a baby so bad? Or maybe because I felt for the little girl (if she wasn't able to see her dad.) Either way, I cried and my husband looked at me like I was insane! lol "You're crying??? Why?" he asked. And I said "Because I want that little girl to see her daddy SO BAD!"

I'm not a cry'er by ANY means!! So for me to cry, is a big thing. I'm not sappy at all. So that really caught me off guard.

It's well known that pregnant women often cry at the drop of a hat, but I don't know at what stage in a pregnancy that happens (or is it throughout the whole pregnancy?) But maybe I was just having a moment. I dunno.

Okay, I have laundry to fold and work to do, so until next time..ciao!

XOXO,
J.

Giving in & giving up..no more pressure.

2008-07-24T12:06:00.001-07:00

I give up! No, it's not a negative thing, I'm giving up feeling PRESSURED! The pressure is coming totally from myself, nobody else. But I'm done pressuring myself or worrying myself to the point of insanity.

I don't know if I'm pregnant or not, but according to the last 7 test I've done (including another 1 this morning), I'm not preggers. And that is fine! Yes, fine! I want a baby more than anything in the world right now, but I'm not going to give up my daily life & sanity over trying/worrying/thinking about it either. If I am preggo, then I'll find out. And if I'm not, then I'll find out..at some point soon.

All my symptoms have stopped and it's a little disappointing and a reality check that "hey, guess what Jamie, you're not pregnant!" and I have to deal with that. But I can either get depressed over it (very easy to do, by the way!!!!) or I can switch it arounda and be positive about it!

I'm going to start working out and eating right so that I can lose some weight and feel great for myself and it'll be a bonus for when we do actually end up getting pregnant. So it's a 2-for-1 deal. ;-) Like I said in my previous post, I'm going to join a gym next month and I'll get fit again.

I've felt like such a lazy blob lately (and I look like one, too!) I've been doing nothing but working (which is here on the couch for 16 hrs a day..I work from home) and I've been eating loads & loads of junk food! Chips, pie, banana bread...wow! No wonder why I gained 5 lbs this week!!! I'm eataing like a pig! Gross. :-/

Soooo, I'm re-focusing all my energy and time onto ME for once. Not Anthony (my husband), not my job, not my family/friends...ME!!!! I have to learn how to be selfish and think of me first and others 2nd. Nobody else will take care of me as good as I can take care of myself, so that's what I'm focusing on. Getting myself healthy physically and mentally. Hell, maybe I'll even do yoga or some bullshit...but I also have the attention span of a fly, so we'll see how that works out.

"Whatever will be, will be."

Amen to that!! I'll keep blogging in the meantime about fights/concerns/updates on feelings and such, so if you're liking this blog already, then bookmark it and keep checking back..you never know what I'm gonna say or do next. ;-)

Until the next post...
XOXO,
J.

Still feeling a little sick

2008-07-23T11:41:00.000-07:00

Today I wasn't peeing nearly as much as yesterday and I wasn't sick last night, and I didn't feel as exhausted as I have been. With pretty much no pregnancy symptoms, I was starting to get a little nervous that maybe I had "jumped the gun" and got my hopes for nothing, and I still think that.

Am I pregnant? I don't know. All the pregnancy tests say no, but I would only be 4 weeks preggers today so it's a good chance that if I am, it wouldn't show up on any tests right now.

Today I felt a little tired about 12 hours into my day and right now, my stomach isn't feeling so good. But that could easily be from the 3 slices of pie I had tonight in about an hour of each other. I made this AWESOME bananna cream pie with homemade whip topping..it was delish!! But I over-indulged and I think I'm paying for it now.

But if I go back the past 7 days and look at the times where I've been sick, it's always been late at night. So I don't know if I've just been eating the wrong things or what. I guess time will tell.

I'm actually starting to get depressed. Yes, depressed. Why? Well, because I got my hopes up (REAL high) and I'm afriad that I'm not pregnant and that I will become depressed. I'm depressed about possibly getting depressed. lol Does that even make sense??

I've been doing a ton of research online and I can't stop looking for more info on pregnancy. I ran across a website that said in Week 4 I would be experiencing:

*Fatigue
*tingling or aching breasts
*nausea
*headaches/neck aches

For the past week, I've had 3 out of those 4 symptoms. If I got my period regularly, then I'd be able to tell if I'm preggo or not. But I only get my periods a couple times a year. When we got married on June 20th, that was the last day of my period. So on our honeymoon, I was fertile (I think). And we did try (alot! ;-) lol) on our honeymoon to get pregnant.

I'm going to take another test next week and by then if there's no "positive", and my symptoms have mysteriously vanished, then I'll assume (and probably correctly) that I am not pregnant. *sigh*

I'll keep blogging every day or every other day just as a way to track what I'm going through mentally and physically.

XOXO,
J.

"Maybe I'm pregnant!"

2008-07-22T12:21:00.000-07:00

Lately (being the past 3 days), I have been feeling very fatigued and having to take naps that usually last about 4 hours per nap. On top of that, 2 days ago AND last night I felt very nauseous and it came on very suddenly! I got up from the computer and ran to the master bedroom bathroom and hunched over the sink..I was positive that when I opened my mouth, puke would come out! But nothing happened. And last night, I did the same thing and had to eventually sleep with a bucket by the bed. I walked away from the bathroom both times confused and thinking "What the fuck was that all about??" Ahh! Maybe I'm pregnant!!!

It's so funny how every little thing can turn into "Maybe I'm pregnant!" when you're trying to have a baby. I'm peeing more often..."Maybe I'm pregnant!"...I'm tired all the time.."Maybe I'm pregnant!"...I sneezed twice today..."Maybe I'm pregnant!"

Oyy.

It's so frustrating!! Too bad us women don't have an alarm go off or something that would sound off the very second that we got pregnant. Wouldn't THAT be nice?!!! :-P Unfortunately, that's not the case. So I'm resorting to the "maybe I'm pregnant" sentence a few times a day.

Anthony is so funny: one minute, he wants 4 kids. The next minute, he's not "ready" to have kids. His meaning of "ready" is 100% about money. He's not "money ready". Well guess what, Bucko? We aren't ever gonna be "money ready" for a kid! People don't have kids when they have $50,000 saved up in the bank..they jump in with both feet and prepare for the waves of the ocean! Hell, that's the fun part! Well...most of the time, anyways. Every couple fights about money and/or always concerned about money. That's life. No matter how much you make, it will always be the same tune: "Can we afford this? Can afford that? How are we going to afford that!??" Sometimes you gotta rob Peter to pay Paul, or just budget things out for the month, or use coupons from the Sunday paper to save yourself $30 on that weeks grocery bill. My point is, things have a funny way of always working out. Even in our darkest hour, shit will work out!! The problem with us is that I know this. Anthony, on the other hand, doesn't...despite the years being together as proof that we're okay.

Anyways, so I totally have baby on the brain. We haven't "tried" in about a week and it feels weird to not be trying everyday. I've just been soooo stressed out and busy with working that I haven't had a minute for myself. But that's all gonna change and soon.

I drove by the gym that is about 1/4 of a mile from us (its brand new) and took a peek inside. It's cute! It's smaller but it's 24/7 and only $25 a month with no contracts to sign. You sign up, pay the $25, and they give you a card. The card opens up the door so only members can get inside. Next month when I get paid, Anthony and I are both going to join. I love Anthony the way he is, but for health reasons, he needs to get in shape. And frankly, SO DO I!!! I'd love to lose 30 pds at least. The first 20 will melt off in a few months (I've learned that about myself), it's after that point that my weight gets stuck. Ehh, we'll see what happens. Anyways, I wanna start working out for a few reasons: for some good old fashioned "Me" time, to get into shape, to lose weight before getting pregnant, and just to look & feel good! :)

Oh, and just for an update: I did take a prego test today and it said negative. :( So either I'm not pregers yet, or it's too early to show up on a test. Yesterday was our 1 month anniversary by the way!!! :-D I tried to "get some" (lol) but Anthony totally wasn't in the mood. He was in that laying on the couch mood.
Dammit! lol :-P

Maybe I can get him to have a little fun later on. ;-) Hopefully my tummy won't feel so bad and I won't be burping up puke every 5 minutes (attractive, I know. lol)

xoxo,
J.

Let me introduce myself..

2008-07-22T12:05:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone, my name is Jamie and I'm a 27 yr old newlywed from outside of Milwaukee, WI.

I just got married on June 20th, 2008 to my wonderful husband Anthony!! :-D Our wedding was beautiful and it was everything that we dreamed of (and planned for a year & half!) lol ;-)

We've been dating for 9 yrs prior to getting married. So why did we wait so long? Well, we got together when I was 18 and fresh out of a long term relationship. He was 25 and going through that "I still I'm 21 & single" phase in his life and I was 18 yrs old going through that "I know everything in life!" phase. Needless to say, our first 2 yrs together were rocky at times. lol

We actually took 2 yrs off (when I was 21-23) and that not only saved our relationship, it made it rock solid!! I needed to explore the world a little bit & grow up. He needed his space and time to get his career going. It was the hardest thing in my life to walk away from him for 2 yrs, but we kept seeing each other and working out our issues. The result? The most stable, rock-solid relationship with 2 happy and understanding and mature people! It was the best move in our lives. :)

So, now I'm here blogging about trying to conceive our first child! Oh god, that sounds sooo weird. Me? Trying to be a mom? Holy shit! Am I REALLY ready for this? HELL YES!!! :-D

I'll be 28 yrs old in November and Anthony will be 34 in March. We are older, wiser, settled, and stable. And most of all, we're ready to merge each of us into 1 human being. :)

So follow along with me about my ups & downs, daily struggles, mental hardships, and lots of wishing & hoping days for us to conceive our very first child!!! :-D

xoxo,
J.