Giving in & giving up..no more pressure.

I give up! No, it's not a negative thing, I'm giving up feeling PRESSURED! The pressure is coming totally from myself, nobody else. But I'm done pressuring myself or worrying myself to the point of insanity.

I don't know if I'm pregnant or not, but according to the last 7 test I've done (including another 1 this morning), I'm not preggers. And that is fine! Yes, fine! I want a baby more than anything in the world right now, but I'm not going to give up my daily life & sanity over trying/worrying/thinking about it either. If I am preggo, then I'll find out. And if I'm not, then I'll find out..at some point soon.

All my symptoms have stopped and it's a little disappointing and a reality check that "hey, guess what Jamie, you're not pregnant!" and I have to deal with that. But I can either get depressed over it (very easy to do, by the way!!!!) or I can switch it arounda and be positive about it!

I'm going to start working out and eating right so that I can lose some weight and feel great for myself and it'll be a bonus for when we do actually end up getting pregnant. So it's a 2-for-1 deal. ;-) Like I said in my previous post, I'm going to join a gym next month and I'll get fit again.

I've felt like such a lazy blob lately (and I look like one, too!) I've been doing nothing but working (which is here on the couch for 16 hrs a day..I work from home) and I've been eating loads & loads of junk food! Chips, pie, banana bread...wow! No wonder why I gained 5 lbs this week!!! I'm eataing like a pig! Gross. :-/

Soooo, I'm re-focusing all my energy and time onto ME for once. Not Anthony (my husband), not my job, not my family/friends...ME!!!! I have to learn how to be selfish and think of me first and others 2nd. Nobody else will take care of me as good as I can take care of myself, so that's what I'm focusing on. Getting myself healthy physically and mentally. Hell, maybe I'll even do yoga or some bullshit...but I also have the attention span of a fly, so we'll see how that works out.

"Whatever will be, will be."

Amen to that!! I'll keep blogging in the meantime about fights/concerns/updates on feelings and such, so if you're liking this blog already, then bookmark it and keep checking back..you never know what I'm gonna say or do next. ;-)

Until the next post...
XOXO,
J.